Geneva is here!!

Finally after 37 LONG weeks, 2 months in and out of the hospital and 42 hours of labor (with no pain meds), my little girl is here!.

Geneva Monet was born June 9th at 12:12pm
She was 6lbs 4oz, 18 inches long

Here is my labor story...sorry its so long but it was a long labor. If you don't want to read it all, I will summarize...it was terrible. Horrible. But totally worth it...I just don't ever want to do it again! Haha.

I didn't have a beautiful miracle birth, it was down right traumatic. In case you didn't know, my original plan was to have a water birth at home. I was very set on that idea and very excited about it...then I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 30 weeks. It was really a miracle I made it to 37 weeks but I spent 2 months in and out of the hospital. When you add up all the days I spent in the hospital prior to giving birth, I think it comes up to 3 weeks that I spent there.

My induction was scheduled for 6am on June 8th. A few days before the induction I was admitted to the hospital because my blood pressure got really high. Well the day before the induction my doctor came to check on me. She checked my cervix to see if it was thinning or dilating at all and it wasn't, it was thick and shut tight. So she thought it would be a good idea to put cervidil in me and leave it over night to soften my cervix before starting induction the next morning. So they put it in and left it for 12 hours. The next morning they took the cervidil out and I was 1cm dilated. Next they decided to use a foley balloon (which is really weird, btw) to try and get me to dilate a little more. They left that in for 4 hours and when they took it out I was 3 cm dilated (for those of you who don't know, you have to be 10 cm to give birth, so I still had a long way to go). A little while later they started pitocin (which I was dreading) and I decided to get out of bed and sit on my birthing ball to see if that would speed things up. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart but I wasn't really in any pain until about 3pm and I'd been on pitocin about 3 hours. The pain was tolerable though, which absolutely shocked me. I expected the pitocin to be horrendous since it makes your contractions stronger, longer and more frequent. I definitely felt them, but it was more like bad menstrual cramps and I got through them pretty easily by breathing and squeezing the bed rail while sitting on my ball. I told the nurse about the pain getting a little worse and she decided to check me. I was 4 cm.

I stayed on the ball for a few hours and then got back into bed. I was way too anxious to sleep but too tired to hold myself up on that ball anymore. The pain still wasn't unbearable but it was beginning to get really annoying. The nurse checked me at about 7pm and said I had only progressed to 5cm. I was pretty frustrated and even more frustrated when my doctor came to see me a few hours later and I was still stuck at 5cm. I was only halfway there after almost 30 hours of labor. My doctor didn't seem too worried, but I was! I was so scared I'd have to get a c-section. (To put this into perspective, a first time mom usually dilates a centimeter an hour, so she is usually in labor about 10 hours and then pushes for up to 2 hours. So thats 12 hours total and that is considered somewhat of a long labor. I had been in labor for nearly 30 hours and I was only dilated 5cm.) Thank god, my doctor is very pro vaginal delivery and wasn't considering a c-section yet. My blood pressure was doing good, the baby was doing good...so she let me continue to try and progress on my own.

The doctor decided to break my water to see if it would speed things up. Thats when all hell broke loose. My contractions were immediately more painful and the pain radiated in my lower back. Over the next hour the back labor got worse and worse. I'd had a very mild version of this pain during my pregnancy and it was due to the baby laying on a nerve, so I begged the nurse to try and move the baby. She said no, she didn't think that would help. My midwife came to see me a little while later and I told her it felt like someone was taking a hacksaw to my lower back (and my thighs, for some reason!). She tried for half an hour to move Geneva around inside my belly to see if she could change her position. It didn't help, it seemed to only get worse. My midwife had to talk me through each contraction and help me breathe through it. I kept asking the nurse to check me because I wanted to know if I was progressing at all but she didn't until around 4am. I was 7cm and 90% effaced when she finally checked me. The nurse told me the babys head had not come down much at all since we started induction, she was no where near where she should have been. The nurse and my midwife were pretty worried about that, especially since Geneva's cord had been wrapped around her neck in my last few ultrasounds, they thought that could be keeping her from descending. So I was told to get on the birthing ball for a while to see if it would help her come down further. The ball was actually a bit of a relief on my back but I was still in a lot of pain. The pain was unreal, just indescribable. I couldn't even form words or thoughts anymore. I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined that kind of pain...and it only got worse as time went on.

The time following my water breaking is a total blur to me now. The labor pain tends to make you lose your grip on reality. I don't know how long I stayed on the ball but the next thing I remember was being back in the bed and having a catheter put in. Any other time I would have been really upset to have a catheter but I had been in so much pain and I was hooked up to like 8 different things so every time I had to pee (which was about every 15 minutes) John (my boyfriend) or my midwife had to unhook everything and wrap the cords around me and take me to the bathroom. We did that for over a day and a half so the catheter was fine with me. Although with the amount of pain I was in and with the whole 'shoving the tube up your hoo-hah' thing...I did not enjoy the process of them inserting the catheter. That was the first time I really started moaning and making noises from the pain and the nurses told me if I wanted an epidural, I needed to do it soon. I have no idea how I turned it down but I did. Everything I had hoped for about my labor had been blown away and I just wanted to keep that one thing I had planned, to give birth with no pain meds. I am a really stubborn bitch, I know.

I cannot describe that ungodly pain in my back, I can't even think of anything to compare it to. At that point the whole hacksaw comparison didn't even come close to describing it. Then somehow, very suddenly, the pain tripled and I absolutely thought I was going to die. I had my eyes shut so tight I couldn't see a thing, the pain was screaming so loud in my body, I couldn't hear anything. My boyfriend said the noises I was making sounded demonic and really freaked him out. My midwife was apparently trying to help me breathe through it but my body thought this would be a good time to start vomiting. Yeah, awesome. Its very hard to breathe through the pain when you are violently vomiting in your boyfriends lap. We all knew something was happening and it wasn't just contractions. What was happening was transition. My baby finally (thank god!! even though it was unbelievably painful) decided to move down into the birth canal, and she was apparently in a hurry...or my body shoved her in there. Either way, she moved down very fast and it was beyond excruciating.

Once I calmed down somewhat and wasn't writhing around as much, the nurse checked me and said the most beautiful words I have ever heard in my life "10cm dilated, 100% effaced and the babys head is starting to come down". My midwife kept telling me, "This is the end, I know the transition pain may have made you want to give up but you're at the finish line." I started crying. I was sooo overwhelmed, so exhausted and so ready for it to be over.

The nurse called for the doctor to come and she arrived within about 20 minutes, I'm told. I pushed for 3 long hours, I was passing out in between contractions, I have very little memory of pushing. After 3 hours my doctor saw exactly why I'd had such bad back labor, and why it took Geneva so long to descend into the birthing canal...she was face up. That, along with my small pelvis, had made it very difficult for her to come down. I continued to push until her head came down further. My doctor didn't think Geneva would come under my pelvis unless she turned her. So once her head got a little farther down she stuck forceps inside me and manually turned her into a better position. I was not aware of what was going on, apparently they told me what they were doing, but I was not coherent enough to understand. All I know is that it hurt felt like my insides were being ripped apart and my body was being torn in half. But it worked. The next thing I remember was hearing my daughter cry and seeing the doctor holding her. She was covered in blood, more blood than I've ever seen on any of the birthing shows I watched during my pregnancy. But as soon as I saw my daughter, my pain was gone and my mind immediately snapped back into reality. I cried my eyes out, I could not get a grip on myself, I cried so hard my whole body was shaking. I just remember saying "My baby...my baby" over and over. They took her away for a minute and wiped her off then layed her on my bare chest. I got to hold her against me for a few minutes, until my placenta was delivered, then they took her from me and brought her to the NICU to check her over and do tests on her.

After the doctor was done sewing me up (I had a 2nd degree tear into my perineum, several tears in my labia and internal tearing where the forceps ripped me. I was a mess.) I was just laying on the bed, relieved that it was over but worried sick about my baby...when I started convulsing. My blood pressure had become so high while I was pushing and my body was in shock from labor, I randomly started having convulsions. It was the weirdest thing. I was fully awake, I was breathing, but I had no control of my body. It scared the shit out of me. John was the first to notice and he jumped up and tried to roll me on my side. The nurse put an oxygen mask on me, and a minute later the convulsing stopped. My blood pressure was very high but I was still hooked up to blood pressure meds and it was going down, thank god. I was so glad to hear that because they had been talking about giving me magnesium sulfate. I didn't want to go through that again, that shit is horrible.

I was brought into ICU and they ran about a million tests on me. I cried pretty much the whole time. I had just been through a traumatic experience and I just wanted my boyfriend, but they wouldn't let him come with me. I was also really worried about my baby and really upset to be away from her. They didn't even give me any time to just rest. There was always someone doing something to me. About 3 hours later they felt confident that I was ok and they brought me into a recovery room. After I'd been in there a couple hours they finally brought my baby to me! They said, at that time, nothing seemed to be wrong with her. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I felt like my heart grew a hundred times bigger as I held her. John and I just stared at her and talked to her and cried. It really was the most beautiful moment of my life. I have never been that happy before and I don't think I ever will be. She is just magical.

Okay, back to complaining, haha. So they brought her to me around 6pm, I spent time with her and John and I got to breastfeed her with the help of my midwife. She ate a little and then went to sleep. John put her in the baby bed and we tried to get some sleep. Nope, why would the doctors let me sleep?!?! It is really annoying, the doctors would come in like every 15 minutes to do tests and monitor me. I mean, hello?!?! I just gave birth over here!! Can I get some sleep?! Nope.

On top of being majorly exhausted, I looked RIDICULOUS. All the fluids they had pumping through me made me blow up even more than I already was. I probably weighed close to 200lbs right after giving birth, and I am not kidding! The day before I was induced they weighed me and I was 170 with all of the swelling from the preeclampsia. I was 110 before I got pregnant. Today the swelling has gone down significantly and I suspect it will all be gone by the time I leave the hospital.

They will be keeping a close eye on Geneva and I over the next few days. We are supposed to leave the hospital Friday or Saturday. Can I just say, I am sooooo sick of hospitals! I feel like I have lived there for the past 2 months, and I pretty much have. But I am so thankful to be feeling a little more like myself again and even more thankful that my little girl is healthy. Everything I went through was totally worth it!

Being a mom is surprisingly coming really natural for me and I love it. Geneva is such an amazingly calm baby, and so sweet.

Its amazing how much better I already feel compared to how I felt before the induction. Pregnancy is awful. Preeclampsia is awful. The only complaint I really have now are the battle wounds I acquired while giving birth. They left my catheter in over night to monitor my urine output but they took it out this morning. I got up to take a shower and the pain between my legs was horrible. I'm taking darvocet for it but it still hurts like a bitch when I move. John had to go buy another Boppy pillow so I have one to sit on, haha. Speaking of John, he is so amazing with Geneva, I can't even believe it. He got up with her all night last night even though he has gotten less sleep than me over the past few days. I still got up to breastfeed her but then he took her and burped her and took care of her all night. I haven't even changed her diaper yet! Haha. You can just see how much he loves her, and it makes me love him even more (although I didn't even think that was possible until now). The three of us are just adorable, its almost sickening.

So that's my labor story, it sucked, but she is fabulous. Our new little family is just amazing. Life is great.

L.A.'s fine, the sun shines most the time
And the feeling is laid back
Palm trees grow, and rents are low
But you know I keep thinkin' about
Making my way back

Well I'm New York City born and raised
But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores
L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home
New York's home, but it ain't mine no more

"I am," I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am," I cried
"I am," said I
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still

This bittersweet moment...

Today my cousin Valarie gave birth to a little girl named Brooklyn Dawn. Brooklyn has Trisomy 18, a chromosomal disorder, and we were told this child would most likely die during birth. We were told if she were born alive, by some miracle, she would not be given any treatment and would simply be left to die in her mothers arms because my cousin is on Medicaid. Valarie's husband said he could not handle being in the room when the baby was born because he didn't want to be present incase the child was born dead.

Well today lots of miracles have happened. Miss Brooklyn was tricky and flipped herself rightside up in a breech presentation, forcing doctors to perform a c-section on my cousin. Brooklyn was born alive and came out crying. She was 5lbs 11oz, 18 inches long and received the birth certificate all the doctors said she'd never get. The doctors told my cousin that Brooklyn would not grow to be over 4lbs. Well, she was nearly 6lbs :) She is so weak they know she could not have survived labor, so the c-section was a miracle.

After she arrived, despite the doctors saying they'd do nothing to help save the baby, a specialist bagged the baby, put her on oxygen once she was stable and even helped Valarie try to breastfeed her. And will continue to treat the baby and keep her alive as long as possible.

Brooklyns organs are very weak but they expect her to live at least a couple days. My aunt says the baby looks like a sick kitten and her cry is very weak and sounds like a whimper. They call is a "trisomy cry".

Another miracle, Valaries husband decided to be there for his wife and go to the hospital with her. He wasn't present when Brooklyn was born only because they allow one person in the OR and Valarie requested that my aunt be that person. Her husband is there with her now though and I'm so happy for that.

I know Brooklyns life will be far too short and this situation will not have a very happy ending...But in this moment I cannot help but be thankful and happy that this little girl beat the odds. Her mommy got to hold her little girl she worked so hard to grow for 9 months and kiss her face and see that little girl look back at her. They got to take pictures with her that they will be able to keep forever and they will have their memories of their time with Brooklyn for the rest of their lives.

This is a very bittersweet moment but we are all so happy that Brooklyn is in this world and alive right now. We will save the sadness for another day.

**Update**
Brooklyn died June 13th at home in her mommys arms. She lived 12 days.