Tears run down my face as I look at this photo. It was taken a year ago today. My first photo shoot with James after finishing my 6 weeks in rehab.The longing and searching I see in my eyes, I remember too well. That little girl had just had her world turned upside down. She didn't know who she was anymore or where she was going. Just weeks before she swore she couldn't go on living. There was nothing that could make her feel ok. She was broken beyond repair.
I remember in rehab I wrote in my diary, "I wish I could write myself a letter from the future when all is well. I could use some comfort." And here I am a year later.
I wish I could have known then what I know now.
I wish I could have realized just how strong my will and my heart and my soul were.
I wish I could have known it really was going to get better and everything really was gonna be ok. Happiness was not far.
I have come to embrace that little broken girl inside me. She has taught me so much and I truly love her and the person she has become.
And for the record...I have never been happier. Ever.
1 comment:
this is such a moving entry.
i got out of rehab (i was there 6 weeks as well) on 1/14/08. it's a strange reality coming out of a place like that-- your world is completely different. i didn't talk to my old friends, i didn't have a job, and i didn't have my own place to live. i remember feeling exactly the way you describe. i ended up relapsing for 2 days and feeling absolutely horrible about it. that's what it took to realize that i truly didn't miss my old life after all...i just didn't know what my future held and i was terrified and lost.
on 2/5 i met with an acquaintance named Mark to work on a film i had left unfinished. for a whole week i stayed at his house and edited film and hung out with him. it was refreshing to be around a positive person and i began to not feel as displaced.
and then i met Mark's best friend.
:) :) :)
his name was John. and we fell instantly in love. we conceived little Hero on 2/14/08.
and NOW--!!
i just can't believe how wonderful and fulfilled my life has become in such a short period of time.
being alive is nothing short of a miracle. i am so happy i chose life.
so strange how our lives mirror each other...
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