This Uneven Universe

Leaving this place far behind me I travel.

Ethereal of astral substance I fly, seeking the heavens from which I came.

With Earth below me I witness glorious beauty from the view of the stars.

The galaxies glisten in cosmic dew and the darkness around me is untouchable, it promises nothing but deep quieted stillness.

I am immersed in its softness.

Light too is visible.

From this view there is both.

Always, ...together.

During this life on Earth I found the sights and sounds amazing and I marveled at their existence.

Now I realize...this uneven universe is not as pretty as it was in that place.

Time & Chances

The movies took our language
New pockets full of coins and dollar bills
Nostalgia of our first touch
And, the failure of that dream
We were never nightmares
We are a legend, invisible, but legendary
A history summed-up in absences
One eye-blink in my last eternity
Take the elevator, and go down, towards my desire
Ascending, descending – creaking and speaking
Shining bright beneath lampshades of intellection
Later loves are greater loves
News of a romantic war interrupts the radio-station playing in the near-by background
Finger-tips touching reality's face, my own face strikes with tears in the mirror
Reflecting a human
Secret beds and lovers will forever hide under another moonlight
In the air: Thoughts fly all around – filling empty space – broken minds in beautiful
bodies
Previously unable to receive love, not knowing the self as "lovely"
He who loves himself, loves me, who loves myself
I walk thru a universe – with all life gone
Flowers jet out from his sad head
Chin-up my darling
Silent together – dreamlike
Gaze into my world, Blank-eyed
I will show you the ways in which I know you
I'll see your eyes again
Hopeless comedowns: Once addicted to each others love
An angel woke me, to see past my own reflection
Spectral skeleton of electricity
- Another project for the heart
I wonder who now smokes and loves in The city of angels
Who's talking magic under the night?
Who walks hand in hand with bottles in their eternity?
Whose eyes collect the streets and interstates for storage in his memory?
Create with me: A virginal feeling again –
The world misses peeking thru our key-hole at 2:00 a.m., they have kept our nudity within their hearts
In a sudden glimpse we are "no one" in the air
We are "nothing" but clouds in the moonlight
But then, kiss me again
Where shall I fly, not to be sad my dear?
Jump in time – to the immediate future – return to the old land
Where we once dissolved into sunless walls of blackened rooms
How many years will we float upon this sweetened scene of trees and humans?
Even the ugliest seek beauty, all movement stops, we walk in the timeless sadness of existence
Standing, lost in calm thought
Confused by the spectacle taking place around us
An innocent face takes shape in the clouds for me to look at
I thought he was a dream: I questioned his existence
He faded in front of me
Naked, original skin beneath our thoughts and dreams
Souls identical: Each to Each
Look into my eyes, you are speaking to yourself
His soul already exists inside my body
A gleam of illumination has come to me
Who else was he then? (but himself)
- - An Angel, thoughtful of my body and of my dry love-struck tongue
My soul mate: You are that soul (small as it may seem)
Sleeping alone, or with a lover, or with a dreamer
Endure, as the moonlight blinds our eyes
Unhappy endings
Re-runs of cloudy highway drives
Our screams and laughter fell from the engine
We'd burn together all night
Hands of time pass upon the clock of the world
He salutes me
Resurrecting lost flesh
A moment's work of mind in ageless monuments of love
Together, scattered in madness of oblivion to holes and notes of the imagination
Memorials were built of our bodies.
I give you a chance, a flight, a present – in present, in the flesh from my imagination
Anxious to discover where one last joy-ride takes us

Three, seventeen, two-thousand and eight.

Tears run down my face as I look at this photo. It was taken a year ago today. My first photo shoot with James after finishing my 6 weeks in rehab.

The longing and searching I see in my eyes, I remember too well. That little girl had just had her world turned upside down. She didn't know who she was anymore or where she was going. Just weeks before she swore she couldn't go on living. There was nothing that could make her feel ok. She was broken beyond repair.

I remember in rehab I wrote in my diary, "I wish I could write myself a letter from the future when all is well. I could use some comfort." And here I am a year later.

I wish I could have known then what I know now.
I wish I could have realized just how strong my will and my heart and my soul were.
I wish I could have known it really was going to get better and everything really was gonna be ok. Happiness was not far.

I have come to embrace that little broken girl inside me. She has taught me so much and I truly love her and the person she has become.

And for the record...I have never been happier. Ever.

Does this mean I've completely lost it?

I haven't been writing much lately. I usually write non-stop when I am moody or unhappy or sad or mad or ya know...just in a negative state of mind. I think I have been too happy over the past few months. Frighteningly happy. And I just don't have anything to say when I put pen to paper.

I did however draw this acid trip of a sketch so check it out.

Meditation

The turbulent soul within me is calmed and soothed by the inner melodies of my heart.
My logic remains apart and aloof, choosing to have no part of emotion and human weakness.
The clockwork of beating veins within the shelter of my skin, functions by its own timed intervals. Through the involuntary act of my breathing I inhale and exit the act in contented slowness. My mind, siding with the logic and the reasonable, tends to look at things without bias and personal judgement. Unfortunately the heart throbs stronger and the term "level-headed" does not exsist. So I am sitting here experiencing the life of my body and nurturing the thoughts and debates between heart and mind.
My soul is peaceful now and sits back to referee between emotion and logic.

In case you hadn't heard...

...And I'm sure you have, I haven't been real quiet about it...

ITS A GIRL!!!

My Geneva Monet.

Haha I knew it.

melancholy suspiciously familiar

You gave me peace in a time of confusion and hatred.
For that moment in time my soul danced only for you.

I wanted nothing more than to be your home
But I could never quite absorb you entirely into the weather of my mind.

Sometimes there is more than one.
I do hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.