Keep staring at the sun.

I've been looking through a notebook of things I wrote a while back and I ran across something I wrote a year ago from today. Its a bit strange and sad to look back at the person I was then, just a year ago. I had never been so down, so alone, so far from who I truly am. I can honestly say I love where my life has brought me and I am very content in this moment. And now, for the first time I can say that I am thankful for all I have been through because it is made me who I am today and I have come to love and respect that person.


I'm not human.
You can't understand this.
I've been injected with death, I can feel it inside.
They need to kill this part of me.
It doesn't want to die.
Am I still tough enough? Feels like I'm wearing down.
I am losing my soul and my mind is losing me.
The drugs don't work, they just make it worse.
Do you realize this is incomparable?
To anything.
Admit the truth.
This feels like forever but I am losing more everyday.
My privacy is raked.
As of now, I bet you've got me wrong.
I refuse to give up.
It can't end, not this way.
It's just that this has made me so weak,
I can't fight anymore.
This failure has made the creator like the coldest winter chill.
Heaven beside you, Hell within.
My brain tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved.
See my heart, I decorate it like a grave.
They said I need to bleed this out so I can start over.
And I should contemplate this change,
To ease the pain.
My thoughts and dreams tear me apart from the core of my soul.
At times the dark's fading slowly
But it never sustains.
Surrounded by empty souls,
Artificial courage used.
Now black is all I feel.
So this is how it feels to be free.